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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!