Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.