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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Tomorrow the world shall be ours! Until then, good night my evil minions!!
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.