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I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.