Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
I drink to make other people interesting.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?