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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Plan B includes margaritas.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?