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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
"You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry. You`re right I`m sorry" - me practicing for a successful relationship.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.