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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.