Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. Iām always trying to pull a fast one
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.