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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues