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The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.