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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn`t for any religious reasons. They couldn`t find three wise men and a virgin.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Iām home alone. Time to start my concert.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !