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Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?