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Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.