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I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I don’t drink to forget, I… what was I saying?