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Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.