Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.