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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Long story short, I love summaries
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................