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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.