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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
It’s a status….not your diary…
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.