Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.