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Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Thought for the day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where sh!tty ideas come from!
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Find someone you`re good at.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.