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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
My body needs a refresh button.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.