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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
It`s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Tieam... problem solved
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.