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I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?