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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Keep scrolling , I got nothing.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree