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It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
The only people who care about my college degree are the college loan people.
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...