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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?