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My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.