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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
It`s all fun and games until the cops show up.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.