Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.