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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part