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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
TEIAM - problem solved
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!