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Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF