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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
The first sign of laziness:
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
I love watching women`s beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.