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I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
My inner self is in Photoshop
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
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You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.