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Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...