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iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift