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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending Iām not excited.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
My parents say I was an unplanned child, which probably explains why my life isn`t going to plan.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
I just ran a .003048K
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.