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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
The less you know, the more you think you do.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.