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Todays Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores