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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Apparently, when asked "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F**kin` large ones" is not the correct answer.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!