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The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.