Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...