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One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Insert coin to view my status message.
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
My life is based on a true story
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?