Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.