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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"