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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."