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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
I make a great second impression.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Your shirt might say UFC but your body says KFC
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...