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When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”