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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.