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I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.