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My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
Is there another word for synonym?
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.