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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
My New Years Resolution is to be less vain. It`s going to be difficult though, considering how sexy I am.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.