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I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"