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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
There is no time to check time
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium