Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.