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Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren`t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.