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My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it