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Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!