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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?