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Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.