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The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!