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Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.
Part of me wants to help you with your crisis, but part of me wants to go to happy hour.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"