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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic