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I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!