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Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
Really close to my perfect target weight. All I need now is one more stomach flu
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
awesome collection!