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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there`s nothing past tense about it!
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.