Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
Things I`m confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
Can I get likes for no reason?
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.