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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
How`d this get posted?