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Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!