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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I am used but in good condition.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?