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I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.