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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.