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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver