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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.