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Does the Food Network deliver?
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.