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I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That`s why I`m happier than you
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.