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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i`m pretty sure they`re hallucinations.