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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.