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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Our phone falls, we panic... our friends fall, we laugh.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.