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Weather forecast for tonight: dark
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I understand vampires being invisible in mirrors, but what the hell happens to their clothes?
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...