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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.