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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Ate too much salad yesterday so I`m going on an Oreos cleanse today.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!