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Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I`m off to get my beauty sleep. Yeah, I know...I`m already so beautiful you can`t stand it! I promise...a little more isn`t lethal...yet! ;) Goodnight!
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.