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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.