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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks