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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
I`m convinced girls only want one thing from guys... all of our hoodies. -Bfanch
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.