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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
As a Harry Potter fan, I wanted to go to Hogwarts. As a Hunger Games fan, not so much...