Daily Silly Status

ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)

At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.

Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.

True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.

I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.

There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.

I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.

As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.

Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.

Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.

So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!

GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?

Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes

I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m