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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it