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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.